I'll Take That Back Now, Please

This last year has been one of immense growth for me as I have fallen more in love with Jesus and as He has romanced me in many different areas of my life. As I have learned more about the Lord's love for me, it has given me confidence and a security that is rooted in Him.

Over the summer, that confidence and security really took root in my life. I heard the Lord calling me His own, and my heart was content. I felt beautiful and confident... it was a new feeling... but it was a glorious feeling that could only come from Jesus.

I didn't even have everything all figured out and things were surely not perfect... but I was confident in where the Lord had me and I was confident in who I was because the Lord loved me.

But over the past few months, that confidence and security in Jesus has melted away.

I have been living under a weight that says "you aren't good enough."

not a good enough friend ... not a good enough team leader ... not a good enough young life leader ... not a good enough housemate ... not a good enough daughter ... not a good enough christian ... not a good enough sister ... not a good enough student ... and never going to be good enough for a boyfriend, or a job, or a career, or a family... 

In everything that I have been doing, those voices and those insecurities have been warping my mind and suffocating my heart.

I have made lists of every which way to be better. I have told myself that I needed to show myself grace. I have cried a lot. I have been overwhelmed. I have put up walls around my heart. I have read a lot of books. I have tried to make myself believe that I was good enough. I have felt defeated.

All I have seen in myself are imperfections.

But just yesterday I was listening to Will Reagan and United Pursuit's newest CD and I was overwhelmed with a realization...

My confidence and my security in the Lord... they were gone... they were stolen. 

One of the songs on the album is called "Take Back" and as soon as I heard it I knew the enemy is the one who has stolen my confidence and my security, but they can be taken back.

"We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen. 

It's in the blood of the One who is worthy. 

I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken.

For how could He who did not spare His own son, not freely give us victory against the darkest of nights.

We're gonna plunder the pits of hell."

  

There is an enemy that very much wants me to believe that I am not good enough and that I will never be good enough. And that enemy has stolen my confidence and my security. He has left me feeling worthless and overwhelmed. 

But... I would like those back now, please. 

My confidence and my security do not belong to the enemy... they belong to the One who is worthy... the One who calls me... 

... His bride (Eph. 5:31-32)

... blameless (Eph. 1:4)

... healed (Isaiah 53:5)

... secure (Heb. 6:19-20)

... new (2 Cor. 5:17)

... honored (Isaiah 43:4)

... precious (Isaiah 43:4)

... free (Gal. 5:1)

... His friend (John 15:15)

... dead to sin (Rom. 6:7)

... loved (Eph. 2:4)

... justified (Rom. 5:1)

The Lord is the lover of my soul and He delights in me. He holds my confidence and security in the palm of His hand.

I may never be "enough", but simply He is enough.