Thursday, November 20, 2014

Me, Myself, & Coffee

If you and I were to sit down to coffee, I would (1) absolutely love it and (2) pray that the words I speak be full of both grace and truth. Because if you and I have are sitting down to coffee I want you to know that I am your biggest fan, I want you to know that our Father in Heaven loves you, and I want you to know that His mercies are new every single morning.

So when you cry I want to reassure you that it is absolutely okay and that the Lord will cry alongside of you and will one day wipe every tear. And when you do not do as well as you hope and you are disappointed I want to be an encouragement and tell you that there's always another shot. When life starts to really suck, I want to just sit beside you and be in it with you. Then there's the time that you are just ecstatic, and I want to experience that joy with you in the deepest part of my being as well.

Because that's how we love other people. It is how we are friends and how we connect deeply with others.

But with myself, I talk to myself in a whole different way. Some days it's a little heavy on the hard truth, completely forgetting the grace that is overflowing. Some days it is full of lies and hurts and pains.

I am beginning to realize: We need to learn to talk to ourselves the way that we talk to our friends. I need to learn to talk to myself the way that I talk to my friends.

When a friend says they just feel ugly, we absolutely never agree; but we will agree with ourselves in that one. We let ourselves deceive our own minds and hearts to not believe the truth. Because the last time a friend told me that they felt like a failure I did not in fact, affirm that to them and say "yes, yes you are a failure." But I did say that to myself in my moment of self-defeat.

That is not okay. We have to learn to be our biggest supporters and we have to remember the Lord's immense love for us.

God is teaching me to love myself. Not in the egocentric, self-centered way, but in the way that I cover myself with both the Truth and with grace. And in a way that celebrates the praises and allows the pain to come in all the same day.

He is teaching me to see the small victories in getting a Colorado license and tags. He is teaching me to not get mad at myself when anxiety creeps in. He is teaching me to remind myself that it is going to be okay. He is teaching me to let joy and tears coexist. He is teaching me to tell myself that climbing the mountain is possible.

So here's to being nicer, kinder, and more gentle with ourselves. And here's to believing that it is necessary.