Thursday, February 20, 2014

I Am Done With Surviving

Welp, it's official. The most time has passed since I last wrote on here. I have been waiting to write. Waiting on change. The change that just is not coming quite yet in this season.

I have spent the last year and a half dreading change. I did not think "transition" was really my forte and did not think that change was going to do me too well. But change happened and it was good. It was bittersweet in the way that it reminded me that a piece of my heart will always be in Chapel Hill, but that too I am held in love in the mountains of Colorado.

But now I want change.

I want change because I look around and my heart breaks and mind goes all over the place. Many circumstances surrounding my life are what I would phrase as "less than ideal." There are friends hurting, misunderstandings abound, too many things to be done with too little time, and the spinning plates of life seem to be teetering on the edge of shattering.

And as my eyes are more aware of the hurt and pain, I desire change and I attempt to survive. I have run from one place to the next, I have cried tears for situations I never expected, I have cut my hair drastically because that's change I can control, and I have found myself bulldozing through many bumps in the road. I have been surviving.

Truth be told: Survival works. It can be done. It has been done.

But we are not meant to just survive, we are meant to flourish.

I am not meant to merely get by in this season of desiring change, but I am meant to flourish in this season even while it's difficult.

So I am done with just surviving. I am done with the catching my breath only to have it be taken away again as I run to something else. I am done with half-hearted prayers to get me through a few moments. I am done with conversations that run you in circles with no hope of the redeeming powers of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am done with wanting change and not really believing it will ever come.

I am choosing to flourish and to delight myself in the Lord.

I am choosing to paint my nails with sparkly nail polish. I am choosing to sip coffee a little more slowly in the morning. I am choosing to say "no" to some things and "yes" to others. I am choosing to fly to Texas to escape the snow for just a weekend and to explore a new city. I am choosing to relish in sunflowers that are proof that seasons to do change. I am choosing to pick up the phone when familiar names come across the screen. I am choosing to linger in coffee shops. I am choosing to believe the Lord for deliverance and redemption. I am choosing to bake with children. I am choosing to read more books for enjoyment. I am choosing to look through old journals and see the ways the Lord has moved thus far. I am choosing to have hope in something more than just the day.

Let's flourish, y'all.

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; 

I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." {Psalm 52:8}