Or so I would like to think.
So many names popped in my head Sunday morning at church as I heard the pastor, J.D., preach on prayer. So many names of people that I really wanted to listen to his message as he encouraged the congregation to press through. To simply press through in prayer with God.
Names of friends who have been discouraged by unanswered prayer or a seemingly silent God kept resonating in my heart.
I furiously took notes during the sermon because there was so much that I wanted to share with my friends who I have seen discouraged lately... press through, dear friends, press through.
But then there was a change.
The tears came out of no where and started flooding down my face.
"This is not just for all of those people you love, dear one... this is for you too. Press through, my daughter, and pray... pray with deep persistence. I will hear you, because I love you."
I sensed the Spirit moving in my heart in mighty ways during the sermon. He was telling me that the encouragement to press through was not just for all the people popping into my head, but it was for me too.
[I do urge each one of you to listen to the most recent message from the The Summit, "Wrestling All Night" as well. It's a powerful sermon full of hard truth and encouragement from Genesis 32 when Jacob wrestled with God.]
In reality, I am not currently feeling discouraged in my prayers... but it isn't because God is answering each one of my prayers...
It is because I am not praying the hard prayers... the ones that are closest to my heart, the ones that cause me to cry out in anguish to the Lord, the ones that cause me to be exposed... because I am scared... I am scared of being discouraged or of being angry at God when I do actually get discouraged.
Instead, I mentally run away from situations that are dark and require the hard prayers because, in some twisted way, I think it is easier that way. I have told myself that if I push those things from my mind, then they aren't that real and I do not have to pray about them... and then eventually get discouraged by them.
But God wants me to pray those things... the hard things... the things that I can never envision a resolution to...
Because He does hear my prayers. He became weak for us...He died on the cross for us... surely He loves us and hears our prayers.
He doesn't promise a resolution, but He does promise a relationship.
So today I am committing to taking the things that really scare me to the Lord...
I am taking all the things that cause me to doubt and all the things that make my heart twist inside and laying them before the foot of the cross and asking my Heavenly Father to come alive in those places and to work in ways that I cannot even fathom, because He does hear my prayers and He does love me.
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