Monday, March 11, 2013

I Am Supposed to Be Good at Transitioning

I am supposed to be good at transitioning. 

Well, that's a lie. And a lie that I have been believing for this entire semester.

I have been under the impression that if I was a good Christian and really trusted Jesus, then naturally I would be good at transitioning.

I haven't felt so good at transitioning lately. In fact, I have felt down right awful at transitioning these past few weeks.


Somewhere along the mountains of West Virginia as I was driving to visit my bestie in Indiana, I realized that I have been holding myself to some pretty unrealistic expectations on what it means to transition.

For me, being a "good transitioner" meant:
1- I am seizing every single second out of the present day, while prayerfully awaiting the future.
2- I am gracefully phasing out of my roles and responsibilities on my Young Life team, while I continue to remain faithful to the ministry.
3- I am being intentional with all of my time in Chapel Hill.
4- I am just the perfect amount of excited for Crooked Creek that I am anticipating my year there, but not wishing away my time left at school.
5- I am solidifying all of my relationships in North Carolina so that they will be easy to maintain while I am in Colorado.
6- I am never sad about the situation, but am perfectly content with all that is happening.
7- I am never anxious about the future, and I am certainly not letting anyone see those anxieties if they are there.

Yea, so naturally, so I should be a "good transitioner" based off of those standards.... hmmmm... that's hardly the truth. 

I have come to realize that those standards are far from realistic. Just because I am trusting Jesus does not mean that I will be able to perfectly check all those things off of the checklist.

There is no such thing as a "good transitioner." There is no perfect or right way to transition out of college and into something completely new.

But I have been living as if there is.

When a friend asked me recently how I was handling giving up some of my roles as the team leader for my Young Life team, I gave him the best sounding answer that I could: "It has been great to just see the other leaders on my team step up and I love seeing them take ownership, so it really has been an easy transition." Now, it is true that I love seeing them take on new roles and grow as leaders, but it hasn't been easy. It has not been easy realizing that their new roles means that I will not have a role next year. I figured if I could say the right answer and he would seemingly believe it, then maybe somehow it would be true and then I would be "good" at transitioning.

The unrealistic expectations that I have been living under have left me feeling exhausted. As soon as I try to perfect one aspect of transitioning it seems that another aspect falls apart. I thought that once I knew what I was going to be doing next year that everything else would instantly fall into place and that if I just trusted Jesus then it would work out perfectly.

Trusting Jesus does not mean that I will be a good transitioner.

Trusting Jesus means that I have the One who knows me best walking alongside me as I transition and that I can stop trying so hard to do this whole transitioning thing perfectly.

Trusting Jesus means that I can admit that I am not good at transitioning and that it is not really that easy, but that I can rest assured in Jesus' perfect love and grace for me.



"From the ends of the earth I call to You. I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." -Psalm 61:2

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." -Ephesians 1:11


[prayer for major lift transition from the book of common prayer]
Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door. 

1 comment:

  1. Such a great post and I can relate in so many ways.

    It's been a lot of fun to see this blog change and develop over the last several months. Definitely encouraging and fun to read. Keep it up!

    -Jordan

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