When the Glitter is Washed Away

This summer has been one that I will never forget. It has been a summer characterized by a loving God who has captured my heart completely and a summer full of glitter, sparkle, and pure excitement. The Lord has romanced me through all of the little things this summer and I have never felt so loved in my entire life. This summer has been covered with fireworks, smiles, sand dunes, carnivals, marvelous sunsets, true laughter, bubbles, and every thing wonderful. The Lord has consistently been wrapping His arms around me and showing me how much He loves me and adores me. He has met me over coffee, through Timber Wolf, through the people I am surrounded by, and He has put things on my heart that I had never imagined happening. When I look through my journal, I am overwhelmed by all the ways that I have experienced the Lord in such simple, yet extravagant ways this summer.

All of this glitter and sparkle has truly shown me the Lord this summer and has made me fall even more in love with Him. It has brought more joy in my life than I ever imagined.

But the glitter has been washed away the past week and things are not quite as sparkly.

A lot has been going on that has brushed away the glitter and has brought in a dullness and greyness that I never expected. It has now hit me that I leave Timber Wolf in two weeks for what could be forever. I don't know that I'll ever be back on this property... I hope that I will be, but there is no guarantee. This camp property has a piece of my heart that I will never get back. In two weeks I will also be leaving some of my best friends for a very very long time. I don't know that I'll ever get the chance to live with them again... and with them goes another piece of my heart. Along with the realization that I will be leaving in two weeks, a constant buzz of anxiety has fallen on my mind. I am always feeling slightly off and I can never identify why. I am in a constant internal battle with everything the Lord has done in my heart this summer and I never know exactly how I feel. Drew, the landscaping intern, broke his shoulder yesterday and left last night for good. He had to go home for orthopaedic appointments and it was heartbreaking to have him leave so suddenly. There aren't any more sparkles in that. The glitter has been washed away.

The past few days I have been mulling over all of this and these unidentifiable feelings and questions. I have been wrestling with God through countless hours spent by the lake reading and journaling, just trying to figure out what was changing. I have been frustrated by my changing attitude and my increased irritability.

But today, while sipping on a hot coffee at the Muskrat Lake Cafe (my favorite coffee shop in Lake City) it dawned on me that the glitter may have washed away, but the Lord is still very much here and He is still very much the SAME.

Even if, and when, the sparkles start to fade, Jesus is the same beautiful, faithful, merciful, just, good Savior that He has always been. He is the same Lord that loves and adores me, even if there isn't a ton of glitter.

"Jesus Chris is the same yesterday and today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8

Hebrews 13:8 does not change because the glitter has washed away... it simply does not. My God who has adored me and loved me so well this summer still feels the same way about me. And I still feel the same way about Him. My joy comes from the Lord, NOT from my circumstances... therefore, even though my feelings are all over the place I still have joy in the Lord.

When I was sitting in the Muskrat this morning I also read Ecclesiastes 3 and the Lord pointed out a very clear truth to me... there is a time for everything.

"There is a time for everything,

and a seasons for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and time to give up,

a time to keep up and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

So for me, there is a time for sparkly glitter and a time for grey dullness.

The Lord used the time of sparkles and glitter so perfectly in my life. He did so much work in my heart and He taught me a ton. All of those things are still true, all of the passions and feelings He put in my heart are still there and still hold true... there just isn't a lot of glitter with them. They are raw and they are grey, but the Lord is going to use that as well. He will use the greyness and the unknown for His glory.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." - Ecclesiastes 3:11

And in the end, everything will be made beautiful in its time. The glitter will be beautiful in its time and the greyness will be beautiful in its time.

So from now on, I am going to embrace where I am. I am going to embrace the fact that things aren't sparkly and great, but instead they are broken... but aren't we all broken anyways? The Lord sent His Son to heal that brokenness. So I will give this time to the Lord so that He can work in ways I cannot imagine and so that He can heal things and make things beautiful once again.

In the end, when the glitter is washed away the Lord is still here... ready to heal and make things beautiful once more.