This girl holds a very special and dear place in my heart, one that no one will ever be able to replace. Georgia is a junior at East Chapel Hill High School, where I lead Young Life and she had been one of the biggest blessings during my time of doing ministry in that school. She knows Jesus and she loves Jesus... a lot. I am constantly amazed by her passion for the Lord, His will for her life, and His Word. She seeks to know the Truth in all things and in all circumstances. Georgia has been a huge source of encouragement when Young Life has gotten tough and I begin to forget why I do what I do. She is also one of the most mature high schoolers that I have ever met and she is one of the most fun people to be around. We spend hours at coffee shops together talking about life and the future and all that the Lord is doing. I cannot wait for her senior year and to see where God takes her for college (and for her to be the best YL leader the ministry has ever seen).
I was so excited when Georgia agreed to write a post on my blog for many reasons. One, because she is so important to me and it only seems appropriate that she have her own post on here but two, because I love her perspective and the way that she sees the Lord. She sees the beauty in failure and it something I admire in her so much. My prayer is that you read what she writes and that it resonates with you as well. She may only be seventeen years old, but I assure you, she is one wise girl crazy about Jesus.
My life is a house of cards.
Perfectly balanced. Meticulously put together. It’s an impressive web which
perfectly delegates my time to school, food, sleep, clubs, a cappella, Young Life,
church, choir, youth group, swimming, friends, family, my dog, working out,
babysitting, planning events…you name it, I probably do it.
Everything
is penciled into my little red calendar. Every moment of every day. And for the
most part it works. As long as nothing ever runs over, doesn’t go as planned, takes
up more of my time, or changes. As long as I never mess up, get run down, or
don’t understand something. As long as I never want to stop and smell the roses
or something. The problem with my house of cards life is that even just one
tiny disturbance knocks the entire thing down.
The only
thing left standing is a merciful God waving me over saying, “Hey, I’m still
here! I’ve got you and I ain’t going nowhere.”
With every
crashing tumble I take, the Lord lays down a new brick on my foundation, so
when I fall, I don’t fall quite as far. He is building me a house anchored in
His truth and resting on His shoulders.
In 2nd
Corinthians Paul talks about his own hardships. He says:
“Therefore, in order to keep me from
becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to
torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he
said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight
in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For
when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Over the years God has helped me see His works in me, some have been
revealed quickly, some have taken years. Through my pain He has refined me.
Through my weakness He has used me. People like to say there is no one too weak
to not be used by the Lord. In reality, it should go more like there is no one
too prideful or self-obsessed or angry or successful or lost or passive or
content or distracted to be out of the reach of the Lord. Only when we step off
our pedestals can the Lord step up and use us.
Look at Peter for example in the book of John. Man was a hot mess.
Jesus tells Peter he is going to deny Him three times that night and Peter goes
no! I would never! Thought too highly of himself to step aside and simply say “help!”
Within just 12 hours of being told this, he denies Jesus three times. He feels
crummy but it isn’t until Jesus appears to him on the beach and brings it up
does Peter realize how broken he is. What happens next? Jesus builds His church
on him!
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably
more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within
us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout
all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” –Ephesians 3:20-21
Immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine? Wow. I can think of a
lot of stuff…immeasurably more? I’d like to see that and I would imagine so
would other people! But until we step aside and rejoice in our weakness, we are
too dense. We are too set in our own ways. We think we know what we’re doing.
We think, “I’ve got this!”
What hope we have in the Lord! He set us free. He was tortured and
gruesomely nailed to the cross so when we stumble and fall and fail and fall
over and have our worlds crumble we can have assurance that we are still
precious in His sight. He will not leave us. He has felt alone and broken and
because He loves us so, He will never leave. That’s so comforting. Because he
makes us strong we can lift others up. Because He is our anchor we can take
leaps of faith. We can do the unpopular and different and still know we have
the Almighty God on our team, cheering us on.
I have never really liked the word "bittersweet." To me, it's a word thrown around when people don't know how they feel and things are changing... things are always just bittersweet.
What does that even mean?
In my black and white, reduce everything to a formula, and "let's call it like it is" mantra, things should be either bitter or sweet. Never both.
And if things are going to be bittersweet, for me it's going to look a lot more like this: bitterSWEET.
Highlight the sweetness, and hope that the bitterness just disappears.
The past few weeks have been full of sweetness. Spring semester is made for sweetness and being a senior is made for sweetness. It's in the blooming flowers, the welcoming of shorts weather, the senior events, and the ushering in of summer.
Delighting in the small and beautiful things has been easy recently. There have been... dinner parties ... coffee dates ... house photo shoots ... nightly walks around campus ... car jam sessions with the windows down ... concerts ... twinkle lights ... bonfires ... lake trips ... pancake nights ... climbing the bell tower ... ice cream adventures ... arboretum relaxing ... beach trips ... spontaneous outings ... kitchen dance parties ... and so many other truly wonderful things.
And I have been with some of the most delightful people... I live with seven of the most inspiring ladies who love Jesus and are some of the best people to spend time with. I lead Young Life alongside eight awesome people who are passionate about the ministry and who make my day each and every time I see them. I have a mentor who is honest, understands my love for rules, and who is constantly challenging me. I hang out with really wonderful high schoolers, who teach me something every time I spend time with them. And on top of all that, I have so many friends that live all over the country (and a few of them all over the world) who I adore and who love me so well.
By the sounds of that, I have it all. I am beyond blessed. I know that I do not deserve any of that.
And recently, I have been clinging and holding on to the sweetness like never before. I am grasping at all of the goodness that I possibly can, because I am afraid of the bitterness and twinge of sadness that hides beneath it all.
Underneath all of those delightful, Instagram worthy things, there is a bitterness, a confusion, and a sadness.
Those feelings have come from a multitude of different things that have happened in my life, in my loved one's lives, and in the world over the past few months.
a really broken relationship ... the haunting of May 13, the day after graduation ... attempting to uproot some seriously deep-seeded insecurities ... the battle of cancer in a dear family member ... the tragedy of the Boston marathon ... poor decisions with grave consequences ... a broken heart for those who are suffering
Honestly, I have learned to not run away from the brokenness and from the darkness and I have learned to confront many of the issues, but as more time passes it is becoming more and more difficult to synthesize the bitterness with the sweetness... to let the two occur simultaneously. The bitterness has been put to the back burner, not because I do not want to face it, but because there are so many other wonderful things to delight in and to keep me busy.
But recently, the bitterness has been catching up to me and the door is being unhinged. It happens in the simplest of moments, the bitterness bubbles up and becomes too much.
It's in the moment that I am at the lake with the best team in the entire world and I am struck with an intense sadness that the Lord is asking me to leave a group of people that I love, to enter into a community where I am so unknown.
The time that I am sitting at Starbucks attempting to write my ten-page paper due the next day and something pops up on Facebook reminding me of the brokenness and I am unhinged. Huge tears welling up in my eyes, giving it all I have to not break down in sobs, and the hope of finishing the paper beginning to fade away as a distant memory.
When all clear-minded thinking is thrown out the door when Anna asks me to take a picture to finish a project she is working on. I end up hating every single thing about the picture... my hair, my outfit, my smile and the fact that it has to be done right then... All ridiculous things to get upset about, but I do because the bitterness creeps out in the most unexpected of moments.
And then there is a phone call that sends my day spinning and I just don't know where to begin to pick up the pieces.
It is so difficult for me to synthesize the bitter and the sweet. It doesn't seem okay for them to happen simultaneously.
I feel guilty when I rejoice in the sweet, and I feel guilty when I wallow in the bitter.
It's in this time that I have started reading Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. Her words bring comfort in this season.
"Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness."
When I really consider it, that is beyond true. In all of the brokenness there is something incredibly beautiful. Each time the bitterness appears and I am done sobbing and trying to dry the tears, Jesus is beside me helping me pick up the pieces.
He is there when the team comes back together at the lake house for a family-style dinner. He is there as he instills a peace in my heart and a calm to finish my paper with enough time to actually get six hours of sleep. He is there in the Every Nation worship after the picture taking hissy fit. And He is there on the other side of the phone when I call my best friend because I just don't know what to do anymore and she reminds me that it isn't my fault.
He is here in these moments reminding me... My sweet child, I am not mad at you. I have never been mad at you. I am not punishing you for anything you have done. You do not need to feel guilty, you have been set free. I am crying with you and I am rejoicing with you. I love you.
So yes, this season is bittersweet, but Jesus is good and faithful. He has not changed a bit, through any of this. He is still the same perfect God who calls me His beloved and who died on the cross to save the world. He is the same God that has always been there.
And today, things are changing, but the God of the universe is not. I am happy and I am sad, all at the same time.
"This is what I have come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be."
You give and take away, You give and take away; my heart will choose to say Lord blessed be Your name
There is something magical about a table. There is life found over a table.
Okay, that might sound kind of crazy... But, I am convinced that that there is something that is inexplicably beautiful about time shared over meals, food, coffee (the table) with other people.
thanks caribou for your napkin truths & supporting my love language
In ancient cultures meals were typically the settings for blessings. Today meals are often a huge part of celebrations. We have birthday dinners, huge family meals to celebrate holidays, and even fancy dinner parties.
The thing that is so magical isn't really the dinner table, but the people that sit around the table and the bonds that the Lord creates between those people.
Life is found in the relationships that are formed over a table.
It's in the tiniest of moments that life springs forth, but there is most surely eternal significance.
It's in the moments...
... of uncontrollable laughter as old friends recount their favorite memories
... of confession over coffee with best friends
... of new beginnings with new friends as you learn about each others' lives
... that one person finally admits "I don't have it all together"
... that two people realize they have more in common than they thought
... friends come back together for reunions
... of celebration and excitement
... when one person should seemingly walk away, but they choose to stay
... of sharing old memories as you make new ones
... that two people realize the Lord has put them in each others' lives for a divine purpose
... declaring truths to each others' hearts
... of being humbled by one another
... of bubbling giddiness and delight at the other person's words
... of being truly vulnerable and transparent
... where healing is found in broken relationships
... of tears flowing freely as freedom is found
... that friends can rejoice with one another
I think that the Lord is present in all of those moments. He is there in
all of those moments as life is experienced between two people or a
group of people.
The absolute most beautiful thing to me is when the people around the table begin to see one another, really see one another. They let one another in each others' lives and they truly see one another in all of their messiness and loveliness. And when they truly see one another, life is found in the inexplicable moment when both people choose to stay at the table with one another, despite all their messiness.
Our Heavenly Father is working in our relationships with
one another... He is blessing us abundantly, or growing us, or
stretching us, or humbling us, or teaching us through all of our
relationships.
The life the Lord gives us is rich and
abundant and He allows us to experience it in community and relationship
with other people. Oh, praise Him!
Some of my favorite memories of this semester have come from time spent over the table with friends. He has brought us together over coffee, home-cooked meals, pancakes, and so much more and He has blessed us with life and with relationships that are growing us.
Here are just a few of those memories that have been documented and will forever hold a place in my heart:
To begin the semester, the McMansion had a house bonding evening that involved a wonderful dinner and little gifts to celebrate one another.
We have had the most exciting time this semester celebrating each others' twenty-second birthdays. There is nothing better than funfetti cake, best friends, and whole heck of a lot of Taylor Swift's "22."
There have been countless evenings this semester of cooking dinner with the McMansion together and just learning from one another as we cook and talk and spend time together.
an evening of shrimp & grits makes for so much southern goodness
Jen and I were recently shopping in Target and fell in love with some of the dinner party ware there, so obviously we decided to host a dinner party at our house. We had all of the girls from our College Life class over for a boojiest dinner party Chapel Hill had ever seen. We got dressed up, expanded the McMansion dinner table, took lots of pictures, and just experienced life together. It was a truly delightful evening full of laughter as we recounted memories from the past four years of college. The Lord has blessed us in mighty ways over these four years and the girls in this group will forever hold a huge piece of my heart.
class of 2009 college life ladies
table settings & decorations is kinda my secret obsession... along with etiquette... perfect for dinner parties.
conversation, laughter, goodness, memories
mary nel, anna, phoebe, & i
my third floor besties
melaney, sarah, & ashton
And life over pancakes... oh, I am sure that life is found over pancakes. Some of my most treasured memories from living in the McMansion involve our Pancake Nights. One Thursday of every month we open up our home to all of our friends (and their friends) to all spend time together and eat pancakes. There have been pancake nights with over 100 people in our house laughing, hanging out, and eating lots and lots and lots of pancakes. It has been such a blessing to have so many people in our house and to meet so many new friends as they walk through our door. Anna is working on her videography these days and her first official video comes from our last pancake night. I absolutely love the video because it documents some of the most beautiful relationships formed at pancake nights and the life that is found over pancakes.
"Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people." -Acts 2:45-47
This guy, if we're being honest, I do not know that much about. I have known him for less than six months or so, but here are the two things I am sure of: (1) he loves Jesus A LOT & (2) he loves Young Life. And from that, I think he's pretty great. Johnson is a freshman here at UNC and just got placed as a Young Life leader at Carrboro High School. Young Life has a phrase that says "You were made for this"-- well, that statement was made for Johnson. He was made for Young Life. I adore how passionate he is about the ministry, but most importantly I adore how much he exudes Jesus... all the time. Johnson will be doing Summer Staff in the kitchen at Crooked Creek this summer, my future home, and I am so incredibly pumped for him. I am also so excited for Johnson to have three more years at UNC and for all the ways that Lord is going to grow him and teach him in this beautiful college town.
johnson with crock (area director) & tripp (new east teammie + johnson's bestie)
one heck of carrboro young life team.
I was so honored that Johnson agreed to write a post on my blog. I am excited to share what he wrote for so many reasons. He gives a beautiful picture into the ministry of Young Life and what our role is as Young Life leaders. He also writes about YL camping, which has stolen my heart and I am super passionate about. But lastly, he writes about the Lord's love for us... and wow, he writes it in a way that speaks much needed Truth to my heart, and my prayer is for yours as well.
I was flattered when Jordan asked me to write for her blog,
primarily because I’m just some loud, all-over-the-place freshman that stares
in amazement every time I read one of her blog posts (Even Jordan’s YL teammate
and one of my best friends, Tripp, will tell you that every time Jordan has a
new post, he’ll receive a text message from me that reads, “Well….Jordan did it
phenomenally….again.”)
I was actually planning to write about how I seriously
underestimated the amount of cool people in college. (I make that claim
jokingly, but I also claim it honestly.) The Lord has astounded me with people
at UNC that I never ever thought I would be friends with; in His grace, He has
stuck me in the middle of communities where I am consistently encouraged and
surrounded by the Gospel. But, in the midst of writing about my naïve
underestimation, I felt like I wanted to share what I have written below, because
it has been something that I have been wrestling with lately – do I really believe that my Heavenly Father,
the Creator of the universe, looks down on me and all my imperfection and calls
me Beloved?
I was recently placed as a Young Life leader at Carrboro
High School, and I absolutely love it. In fact, I have even told friends that I
became a Carrboro Jaguar fan more quickly than I became a Tar Heel fan. It has
been an honor, just in the past few months, to live life with my few high
school friends at Carrboro. All throughout my senior year, however, I tossed
and turned over the question of whether or not I should be a Young Life leader.
I was the epitome of the YL guru at my high school in Raleigh, but, if I’m
totally honest, the thought of being a leader scared me sideways……………....until
I had the opportunity to lead the freshmen guys at Sharp Top Cove, a YL camp in
Georgia, for a week last summer.
And here begins the heart of my post.
Let’s go back to Sharptop. Something about that place is
purely magical. Must’ve been why that crazy man dressed as a magician on stage
kept screaming, “FLY MAGIC BIRD!” I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I’ve
never been challenged so strongly in my life. I’ve never smiled so big, prayed
so hard, laughed as loud, cried so fast in my life. The Holy Spirit does work
there. He just does it. And it is amazing to be a part, to be a spectator, to
sit back and watch as the spiritual “magic” unfolds.
You fill a wide range of roles as a leader at a Young Life
camp. A coach. An alarm clock. A waiter. A “free milkshake” buyer. Through it
all, though, you’re a cheerleader. You’re your guys’ biggest fan from the
moment they finally get out of bed until the moment they crash back asleep in
the wee-hours of the night.
To the kid whose legs are shaking as he balances the wire on
the ropes course? His biggest fan. To the kid who has never had a family style
meal and is still shocked that the food is always all-you-can-eat? His biggest
fan. To the kid who hits a Grand Slam in wiffle ball? His biggest fan. To the
kid who purposefully walks slower down the mountain so he can release all of
his hidden disappointment and frustration about his brokenness? His biggest
fan. To the kid who falls asleep during the club talks? His biggest fan. To the
kid who cries in cabin time but won’t say a word? His biggest fan.
You don’t care about bedhead, about morning breath, about
lack of deodorant, about dirty socks, dirty bathrooms, dirty cabins. Forget
about burps, about smells, about sunburn, about stains. Toss away the
reputations, the judgments, the bad decisions, the baggage. At the end of the
day – and quite frankly the beginning and the middle – you genuinely desire
that they know Jesus, the loving Creator of the universe. And all those idiosyncrasies
and mishaps suddenly disappear in the midst of The Light – The Light that has
rescued you from the shadows of death. It is because of the Marvelous Light
that we act this way. The Light shines in
the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.[John 1:4]
What’s perhaps the coolest thing about all of this, you
know, is that Jesus is our Number 1 Fan. We wake up, and He’s already been
cheering for us. We go to sleep, and He doesn’t stop cheering for us.He is cheering for us as He wipes the slate
of all our wrongs completely clean. Though
our sins are like scarlet, they shall be washed white as snow.[Isaiah 1:18] Brokenness,
shame, fear, guilt – GONE. He’s our biggest fan.
We’re the kid who thinks he can balance on the ropes course
without a harness. We’re the kid who greedily wants more and more of the food
at His table. We’re the kid who hit the Grand Slam and thinks he’s the coolest
man to walk the earth because of it. We’re the kid who breaks down because we
keep failing at trying to fix our own brokenness. We fall asleep when during
the important moments, and we cover up our tears to act like nothing’s there.
We let our imperfections swallow us in shame and guilt,
attempting to hide our brokenness from those surrounding us. But our Heavenly Father,
the Triune God, looks down from all of His splendor and doesn’t see our bedhead
of anger, doesn’t smell our morning breath of dishonesty, looks past the dirty
socks and wet clothes of business that clutter our lives, and smiles
approvingly at us when we feel like the stains of our past are too noticeable
to disregard. He carried those burdens for us when He hung on the cross, died
for our sin, and victoriously rose again – defeating death – three days later.
Throughout it all, Jesus is still our biggest fan. He’s
sitting in the stands at every game, cheering us on when we hit the home run
and when we strike out. He showers us with grace like rain and covers us with
love immeasurable. He supports us, and cheers us on proudly, through and
through. He’s yelling our name loudly. He wants us to succeed, and He’s
encouraging us all along the way. He wants us to run towards Him, the One who
makes all things new. He calls us through
the Gospel, so that we may obtain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.[2 Thessalonians
2:14]
Do I hear Him cheering, calling my name?
“You are my beloved; with you I am well
pleased.”[Mark 1:11]
I have been a part of the same Bible Study since my sophomore year of college. It originated from our College Life class and has expanded and shrunk over the three years, but it has become a very special part of my life in Chapel Hill.
Over a month ago, I casually volunteered to lead Bible Study the week that our leader, Amanda, would be out of town. When I volunteered much of it felt out of necessity because no one else was volunteering so I just casually raised my hand thinking someone was going to have to volunteer, and I guess that just meant me.
I wrote it down in my planner that I needed to plan Bible Study the weekend before and after that I casually pushed it out of my mind.
But then the particular Bible Study was I was supposed to be "planning" approached and I had no idea what in the world I was going to lead on. I felt less than adequate to be "leading" the Bible Study with my peers and best friends. It had been a rough two weeks previously and I wasn't quite feeling the whole "I know what I'm talking about and you should trust me" thing.
When it came time to planning nothing of significance was actually coming to mind that I felt adequate enough to lead on. After much contemplating, I had nothing in mind.
God had something in mind though. He had a lot in mind. All that He had in mind was everything I was sure that I was not an expert in and was sure that I was mildly horrible at... vulnerability.
God, really? Do I have to? Because I'd really rather not. Vulnerability... yea, that sounds pretty and all, but I am terrible at being vulnerable.
Yes, my daughter, you do have to. It's time to stare vulnerability in the face and take it head on.
I won't be good at leading a Bible Study on vulnerability though.
No, no, you won't. But you don't have to be. Because I will be.
So I started planning. I pulled out all of the resources that I could find and I began reading and listening and praying for the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what He wanted me to teach on. I use the word "teach" extremely loosely... I was hardly teaching. I was more or less fumbling words around and asking for everyone in the group to share and add input because learning comes best when we are all engaging with one another.
I wanted to share what the Lord put on my heart to talk about at Bible Study that week though, what I learned (or am still attempting to understand), and just a few nuggets of other people's wisdom on vulnerability.
First, I came upon Brene Brown's TED talk on the power of vulnerability. I was first introduced to this talk and research this summer at Timber Wolf Lake during an all-camp worship session when one member of the Assigned Team showed part of it as a piece of his message. It was from this talk that the inspiration came for our Bible Study. I highly, highly suggest that you watch the whole talk.
If vulnerability was not a topic that was sticky enough to be discussing, Brene Brown opens her talk with a discussion on the concept of shame. Shame... that is not only sticky... it's messy, ugly, and not often talked about.
Brown describes shame as the factor unraveling connection and as the belief that says "I am not ________________ enough." That blank can be filled by so many different things... pretty, funny, good, skinny, strong, witty, holy, wise... and, more often than not, can be left with just "I am not enough."
Yes, shame is ugly. Very, ugly.
Emily Freeman, author of Grace for the Good Girl and "chatting at the sky" blog, differentiates between guilt and shame. She uses the word guilt as a means to define "a God-reminder when things aren't right and an opportunity to change them." She writes: "Guilt says I did wrong. Shame says I am wrong. Guilt deals with behavior. Shame deals with identity. Guilt leads to repentance. Shame leads to hiding."
We hide behind countless things. Bri wrote about a few of them on her post last Friday. Some of the things we hide behind are good things and others are more destructive, but in all the things we hide behind we are hopelessly searching for some source of protection and safety.
But, WE DO NOT HAVE TO HIDE. If we have a relationship with the Lord, we are hidden in Christ.
"You hem me in-- behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me."
-Psalm 139:5
He is behind us and before us. And His hand is even upon us. We are covered from all directions.
We are hidden in Christ. We are safe in Christ. We are SAFE in Christ.
When that sinks in, it gives reason to let the masks fade away. We do not have to hide due to our shame because we are already hidden in Christ.
"For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. The LORD did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that be brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery."
- Deuteronomy 7:6-8
"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband--- the LORD Almighty is his name---
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."
- Isaiah 54:4-5
"Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him."
- Romans 6:4-8
"For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
- Colossians 3:3
If we are known by God (1 Cor. 8:3) and hidden in Christ, then that allows for us to be known by others.
This is where it gets even more challenging for me. Just because I know that I am hidden in Christ, allowing others to truly see me is not something that comes easy for me. I am daily having to seek the Lord and ask for His grace as I fumble in this area of my life.
Brene Brown describes people who believe they are worthy of connection as whole-hearted people. When we are hidden in Christ, it allows for us to truly bewhole-hearted people.
She uses three words to describe whole-hearted people:
COURAGE: They are people who have the courage to tell the story of themselves with their whole heart and they are people who have the courage to be imperfect.
COMPASSION: They are people who can be kind and compassionate towards themselves and then also to others.
CONNECTION: They are people who connect to others as a result of authenticity.
The word that she uses to embrace all three of those words together is vulnerability.
That word is scary to me. In my mind, when I hear vulnerability I think weak, not strong. I think emotional, not compassionate. I think "too much," not authentic.
Brene Brown points out that while vulnerability may not be comfortable or easiest, that it is simply necessary.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
One of my favorite bloggers, Stephanie May, writes: "Vulnerability is choosing the daring hope that someone will see us and know us and choose to love us because of what they see-- not for the show or for our perfectly styled hair. There's just nothing more courageous or deeply beautiful than that."
As Brene Brown deconstructed vulnerability she found four things that will allow vulnerability to come alive in us:
... let ourselves be seen ...
... love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee ...
... choose joy and lean into gratitude ...
... believe we're enough ...
While those things may seem simple, I tend to find them quite difficult. It's scary and uneasy and there is an enemy who so desperately does not want for any of those things to flourish in our lives. But it is when we are truly hidden and guarded in Christ that those things can begin to give way and reign true in our lives.
And that is what Bible Study was on that Tuesday evening. To say that I understand all of this would be a lie... to say that I practice all of this would be an even bigger lie.
But I am trying. And I am praying that the Lord will help me and guide me in His Truth all the while.
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