Walking Through the Storms

Recently, in defeat, I succumbed to the fact: I need Jesus. I need His grace for all things. I am broken and I cannot do it alone.

The storms in my life had been raging for a while. It had gotten to the point where it was easier to believe the lies than the truth. It was easier to be bitter than to seek healing. And it was easier to be anxious than to seek peace.

And after a lot of exhaustion, I had to say help. I had to let Jesus rescue me. Jesus is responding and He is not letting go. He is pulling me up and He is saving me.

In Matthew 14 the storms were raging too. The disciples were all in a boat and it was late in the middle of the night. The gusts of wind caused the waves to swell. The disciples saw a figure in the distance, walking towards them, on the water. They were terrified and they were overcome by fear. They thought it was a ghost... who else could walk on the stormy waters? But, it was Jesus, the Son of God. He was walking towards them and He immediately called out to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." He did not hesitate to reassure them and to calm their fears. He responded immediately.

Peter then calls out to Jesus asking, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." Jesus' response was simple and pure: "Come." So Peter, did. He got down out of the boat and began walking on the water towards Jesus. The only thing that he was going towards was Jesus, his Savior and his Lord. But then, Peter became distracted by the wind. The gusts became too much and he became afraid again. The fear led him to begin to sink and he had to cry out to Jesus: "Lord, save me!"

Again, Jesus responded immediately. He reached out His hand and caught Peter at once. Jesus did not hesitate in disgust with Peter's fears and doubts. Instead, in the most gracious of manners, the Lord saved him in the most immediate of ways. He continued to bring Peter towards Himself. Jesus followed by asking: "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Some time ago now, the Lord called me out of my boat of comfortability and what I was used to and called me towards Himself. I was scared and nervous and told God many times that I didn't think it was a good idea. But the Lord was persistent in calling me towards Himself, which meant climbing out of what I knew and walking through something that was unknown, challenging, and exhilarating all at the same time.

What I was walking through though did not really matter because I was only focused on the One who was calling me. My eyes were set upon Him and my fears melted away. It was a time of pure delight in the Lord and who He was. The storms were definitely all around, but with my eyes on Jesus, the storms faded into the background.

But at some point, I lost focus. With the wind howling all around me, I got distracted and uncomfortable and I began to sink. Sometimes I realized and other times I thought that I was completely fine. Without my eyes completely on Jesus, the situations seemed unbearable and more than I had bargained for. There were moments of confusion and of bitterness because I seemed to have forgotten how I had gotten in that storm in the first place and I felt abandoned and alone.

Just the other day though I was reminded: It is all about Jesus. It has always been all about Jesus.

He is not leaving me and He is saving me. He is calling my name still.

And like Jesus asked Peter when he was sinking in the storms, he is asking me:

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Doubt has made my vision hazy and difficult to see where I was heading.

My fears, insecurities, and pride have been swallowing me and causing me to not fully believe the Truth of the Lord. They have taken my eyes off of the Creator, the One who called me out of the boat in the first place and the One whom I was walking towards.

But it's time to look back up. To grab hold of the Lord's hand and to be brought back to safety. It's time to go back to where this all began: a time of ultimate wonder of the Lord's goodness, sovereignty, and faithfulness.

It's time to delight in the small things again and to dance in the rain and to live passionately and to adventure and to sip coffee slowly and to get lost in conversations. Because those are the things that I love and the things that give me life.

And God, my eyes are upon You, all the while.

"The gospel bears my spirit up:

A faithful and unchanging God

Lays the foundation for my hope,

In oaths, and promises, and blood."