From Going to Being

Since I graduated high school I feel like my life has been lived on the fast-track. College does that to you. Chapel Hill does that to you. It says do as much as you can in as little time as possible. Do it all efficiently and just GO, GO, GO.

I spent my semesters in college leading Young Life, nannying, working, and being a student. It was wonderful, really wonderful in fact, but it was a lot of going. It was a lot of early mornings and late nights, coupled with so many places to be in between.

I spent my summers interning at one of my favorite places in the entire world, Timber Wolf Lake. Those summers are some of my favorite times and memories from the past four years, but they were also full of going... Going in all the best ways, but still, a lot of going. 

I kind of like the "going" lifestyle. I thrive off of being around people and I have spent the past four years pretty much surrounded by people. I like to get things accomplished and checking things off of to-do lists. I enjoy having an organized calendar that maps out all that the day holds. I find peace in bits of exhaustion that exclaim things got done. 

My days have been full of goings. 

But since Michindoh, the days have not been full of a lot goings. The days have been full of being.

For once, in a really long time, I do not have many responsibilities. I am in the in-between. I am in the wait time of the transition. At the end of August I am moving to Colorado for a year, but in the mean time I am being. 

I am living at home with my family in Greensboro. I have not done this since the month after summer staff after my freshman year of college. And I am getting to be. With no expectations and no where to be.

This is new for me and it is humbling to me. There is no place I am direly needed and no place that I should really be. I just am.

I am learning to be. To be calm and to be still and to rest.

And in all of that I am doing things that I love and I am doing things that are challenging to me.

I am spending time alone and I am spending time with my family. I am making new friends in an old city dear to my heart. I am sleeping with no alarm and I am sipping hot coffee first thing. I am staying in my bed for as long as I want reading and spending time with the Lord. I am crafting and making lots of fun art projects. I am re-reading all of the Harry Potter books (of which I finished the first two in two days) because I can and I have the time. I am visiting Chapel Hill and reuniting with friends there. I am road tripping to Pennsylvania with two of my best friends from high school. I am going to the lake, soaking in the sun and learning to fish. I am running the hills of Greensboro and I am exploring the parks. I am leaving my phone at home when it's not needed. I am writing letters. I am breathing the days in slowly, seeking all that the Lord has in store for them.

I am doing the things that all of the going never left time for... but being, it allows for this. It lets the days be soaked in and enjoyed and lived.

It lets my soul breath a little bit and it allows me to fall in love with the Lord all over again as I get lost in His creation and the days that He has so perfectly made. I get to learn about Him as I learn to rest and to simply be. And I get to learn about Him as I spend time with my family and I prepare my heart for Colorado.

While I know that this time is unique and that it is a special blessing to have no responsibilities for a month and a half, I pray that I never stop enjoying just being. That I never stop seizing the days for all that the Lord has made them to be and letting them soak in slowly and sweetly.